Tyrants may eventually inspire revolts or the intervention of outside sympathetic third parties to overthrow them—as in the toppling of Saddam in Iraq. But the process doesn’t often work that way in the workplace, when you have a tyrannical boss who calls the shots. He or she is fully in power—the owner of the company or in charge with the support of the top executives and board. Should you seek to foment workplace rebellion, you are likely to be quickly out of the company, unless you are able to muster the support of others who feel similarly mistreated. So besides leaving the job and seeking the best recommendation you can get as you go out the door, what do you do if, aside from the boss, you like the job or really need it? How do you handle your uncomfortable and hurt feelings?
That’s what happened to May, when she landed her first job out of grad school doing research for a business consulting company that provided clients with research reports. She looked at the job as an ideal way to get the experience she needed to advance in the field. She also loved doing the work, which involved burrowing through company reports and Internet intelligence to come up with pithy analyses. She found the other researchers great to work with, and felt an instant warm camaraderie with them. Plus the company had a sterling reputation—it would be like graduating with a degree from Harvard when she was ready to take her next step up the career ladder.
But then there was her boss, Mildred, who acted like a tyrant of her workplace, in love with power. Mildred gave the orders, and if you didn’t understand—well, that was your fault. You should have listened and learned the first time. If you didn’t, you’d be subject to one of her rants. Meanwhile, the employees in the research department, mostly younger women new to the work world, quietly and submissively followed Mildred’s orders. The feeling was you get along or get out.
But May was having an especially tough time of it, since she was used to working independently on research projects, where she would think through the best and most efficient way to do a job and get praised for her innovation and creativity. By contrast, Mildred allowed only her way; you follow the rules or else. Moreover, you better listen and understand what to do when she told you, or you would face a rant in her office, an angry memo, or a dressing down in front of the other employees—like facing the wrath of an angry deity.
Now, things seemed to be getting even worse, and May was feeling increasingly stressed and desperate. For example, one day Mildred asked her to attend an important conference, where May was supposed to take detailed notes and pictures and then use them for a conference report for a client. Mildred gave her a list of rules to follow, and concluded by saying: "Remember, your role is just to blend in, observe, and record. Don’t talk to anyone who’s working." "Certainly, will do," May agreed, and on the day of the conference, after saying a quick hello to Mildred to let her know she was there, May quietly spent the day carefully taking notes and photos as Mildred requested. She also got useful input from many participants who attended the event.
However, the next day, as she was writing up her report, Mildred called her to come into her office and began yelling at her. "What did I tell you about not talking to anyone?"
"But I didn’t" May began. But before she could finish, Mildred was on the attack again. "Well, you came over to me while I was giving instructions to the moderators."
May tried to explain that she had just come over to say "Hello" to be polite and let Mildred know she was there, thinking it would be rude not to identify herself. But Mildred only used her explanation as fuel for further attack. "Then you didn’t understand what I told you. I said don’t TALK to anyone. If something isn’t clear to you in the first place, you need to ask."
But how could May know to ask if something that had seemed so clear to her was meant so differently by her boss, who considered "not talking" to mean total silence and absolutely no interaction—not merely "no questions and no conversation," as May and her other coworkers interpreted these words. But with Mildred, there was no way to successfully dispute her interpretation, so May backed down. Even so, Mildred continued her rant, further berating May for other mistakes she made covering the conference, such as taking a photograph when all the presenters came together to pose for a photographer at the end of the conference. That was wrong because that was an official photograph, and May should have known not to take that. "It’s in the list of rules I gave you," Mildred said firmly.
Afterwards, May was near tears when she returned to her office to write up her report. All she could think of was how unjust Mildred had been in her accusations and how unreasonable Mildred had been to not listen to her explanations or take any responsibility for the communications being unclear. Yet despite all the verbal abuse, May still wanted to hang onto her job, and she did her best to control her shaky emotions as she finished writing her report. What should May do to deal with her boss?
What Should May Do?
Here are some possibilities. In May’s place, what would you have done or do now and why? What do you think the outcomes of these different options would be?
- Forget the job and career advancement opportunities. You’ve got to get out and get out fast for your own sanity.
- Take Mildred’s messages to heart, even if she is abrasive and hard to work with. Maybe you really do have communication problems, and you have to listen more carefully.
- Don’t take what Mildred has said personally. Just listen, acknowledge what she has said, and agree you will do better. Then, keep on working as best you can.
- Ask Mildred to have some personal time with her to express your feelings about how she has been unfairly berating you.
- Find a way to relax and release the tensions you have experienced after a brow-beating from Mildred; then try to focus on the work at hand.
- Talk to higher-ups in the company or speak to other employees who feel as you do, and try to organize a group protest to higher management.
- Other?
While there are many possible options to reasonably pursue, one of the most important considerations here is the importance of this job as a steppingstone for the future. If May is relatively new to the field, relatively powerless, truly likes the job though not the boss, and wants to use the job to move onto better things, probably it is best not to leave or rock the boat. Leaving would mean losing the valuable experience May is gaining doing research she loves. Confronting a boss who is an obsessive stickler for rules, judgmental of others, and thinks "My way is the only way" is probably not going to work well either, particularly since May is new to the job.
Normally, the boss should be the one to take responsibility if communications are unclear and should make sure the employees understand instructions and further clarify and explain them, when employees don’t understand or don’t know to ask for clarifications. But in this case Mildred is clearly not willing to do that. Moreover, a judgmental person who thinks he or she is always right is not going to be persuaded should an underling point out that he or she is wrong. Instead, this obsessive judge is likely to get still angrier. Then, too, contacting higher-ups or trying to organize others in the department is a highly risky move, especially for a newcomer. May could likely be ignored, soon be out of a job, or become the center of uproar in the office, none of these outcomes are very good prospects for someone just starting out with high hopes to continue in the field.
Rather it’s probably best for May to learn to make the best of a difficult situation, such as by finding ways to relax and relieve stress and reminding herself not to take things personally. Looking for ways to work as independently as possible to reduce the number of encounters with Mildred might help, too, as would doing high-quality work—all very possible strategies given the nature of May’s work doing research.
That’s exactly what May did. She carefully read Mildred’s memos; took careful notes when Mildred gave instructions; and then, as best she could, she sought to follow the procedures Mildred set forth to the letter, even when she felt there was a better, more efficient way to find information. But if Mildred asked her to check certain sources first or write up her notes in a certain way, that’s exactly what she did. At the same time, she found ways to control her feelings when Mildred read her the latest riot act, such as using self-talk to tell herself: "Calm down, don’t take it personally, just take it and relax," while Mildred ranted on and she verbally agreed with whatever Mildred said. Afterwards, when she did her research, she used more self-talk to refocus herself on the work, rather than her thoughts about Mildred’s tirade. She also quietly shared her experiences with a few other employees who felt the same way, so they had a feeling of mutual support; they didn’t have to share Mildred’s verbal attacks alone. Also, from time to time, after Mildred berated her over the latest miscommunication or misunderstanding, she sent Mildred a memo in which she both apologized and explained why she had done what she understood she was directed to do. In this way, by sending a written memo, she could avoid confronting Mildred directly or suggesting that any Mildred did was wrong, while trying to explain what she did. The result was that May’s "get along and get experience before you get out" strategy worked well, and she stayed on the job for several more months, gaining valuable experience, before she was ready to move on.
What if you are in a similar situation with a tyrannical boss? A good starting point is to assess your options. What’s more important to you—staying on the job for now or getting out? If you’re leaving, go as gracefully as you can, so you don’t burn up your chances for a good recommendation. But if you’re going to stay, look for ways to get along better by doing it the way the tyrant boss wants even if this isn’t the best way. Learn what the rules are and follow them as precisely as you can. Yes, you do become a "yes" man or woman. Yes, this may not be the most efficient, effective way to run a department or a company.
But if you focus on doing good work, while saying "yes," that’s a key to survival. Much like in any tyrannical regime, it’s the "yes" men who keep their heads. So as long as you aren’t asked to do anything illegal or unethical and can do good quality work, think of what you are doing as doing "good" time, as they call it in prison. This way, you accumulate your time and your merits, so when the opportunity arises, you can use this "good" time to get out and gain success when you leave. You’ve worked hard and have acquired the skills and experience you need to help you in the future. So when you do get your freedom, you’re good to go.
Today’s Take-Aways:
- If you really want to keep your job despite a tyrannical boss, find ways to go along to get along, so later you can better get out when the going is good.
- If you’ve got to get along in a difficult situation, find ways torelax and relieve stress, so you are better able to get along. In other words, if you have to stay on the path, clear out the rocks along the way to create a smoother place to walk.
- Just like real-world tyrants, tyrannical bosses are looking for people to say "yes." So learn to say "yes," "yes," and "yes." Think of saying "yes" as the way to survive and keep your head, as long as you have to work with this tyrant. Then learn what you can, so you can flee the regime on better terms when you have a good opportunity to move on.